Bar Post

I'm sitting at the bar drinking alone. I can't believe how many posts I've made in the last couple of days that I've deleted because I thought I was being a baby. I might talk to her tonight and I'm afraid of how crushed I'm going to feel. The one thing I've realized through this whole time alone is this. Sure we had a rough start, and it's not always easy. What is? I was the happiest when I was with her. I'd finally seriously moved on because of the amazing person they she was. Sure I complained because there were things I wasn't happy with, but I was actually happy. I can see that now that it's gone. It's weird how you can take it for granted, but if it disappears,... you definitely know how you felt. If other people didn't like it, they were right to do so. It was more my fault because I was so frustrated. But I was also too scared to say what I needed and what I meant to fix it. I'm here hurting now because I did this too myself. I'd give anything to take it back. I'd give anything to make it work, but I'm afraid it's too late for that. I lose something great because I was too afraid to do what it took to fix it. I lost you and I'm sorry, 'cause I'm paying for it now. Congratulations Jeremy, you actually got the exact opposite of what you wanted, and now you're alone.

You know what? Everyone has bad days. Everyone hates being lonely. Everyone misses someone. I'm going to suck it up. I'll date again, I'm not super ugly and I'm super fun to be around. I'll get over it. That's all there is to it. I just had a bad weekend. I should be out doing things I enjoy and talking to the people I care about, rather than sitting around being upset and sorry for myself. I'm going to try to start doing that.

No Title!

You know what? I'm gonna say it! I'm pretty proud of myself. This night was a little harder than I originally thought it would be, but I think I held up and did well. It stirred a lot of old memories of how a lot of things used to be, but I'm an adult now and things don't always turn out the way you think they will. I hope it was a good birthday, you deserve it. I can only look forward and things'll get better and better. You never really know what's out there or how it'll hit you. I feel good. You know what else? I lose sight of the good things I have to offer, but I saw the way people can light up just from talking to me. I miss noticing that. I have good friends, and I should be so lucky. Good for me,... I hardly ever say that.

-Jeremy