Bar Post

I'm sitting at the bar drinking alone. I can't believe how many posts I've made in the last couple of days that I've deleted because I thought I was being a baby. I might talk to her tonight and I'm afraid of how crushed I'm going to feel. The one thing I've realized through this whole time alone is this. Sure we had a rough start, and it's not always easy. What is? I was the happiest when I was with her. I'd finally seriously moved on because of the amazing person they she was. Sure I complained because there were things I wasn't happy with, but I was actually happy. I can see that now that it's gone. It's weird how you can take it for granted, but if it disappears,... you definitely know how you felt. If other people didn't like it, they were right to do so. It was more my fault because I was so frustrated. But I was also too scared to say what I needed and what I meant to fix it. I'm here hurting now because I did this too myself. I'd give anything to take it back. I'd give anything to make it work, but I'm afraid it's too late for that. I lose something great because I was too afraid to do what it took to fix it. I lost you and I'm sorry, 'cause I'm paying for it now. Congratulations Jeremy, you actually got the exact opposite of what you wanted, and now you're alone.

You know what? Everyone has bad days. Everyone hates being lonely. Everyone misses someone. I'm going to suck it up. I'll date again, I'm not super ugly and I'm super fun to be around. I'll get over it. That's all there is to it. I just had a bad weekend. I should be out doing things I enjoy and talking to the people I care about, rather than sitting around being upset and sorry for myself. I'm going to try to start doing that.

No Title!

You know what? I'm gonna say it! I'm pretty proud of myself. This night was a little harder than I originally thought it would be, but I think I held up and did well. It stirred a lot of old memories of how a lot of things used to be, but I'm an adult now and things don't always turn out the way you think they will. I hope it was a good birthday, you deserve it. I can only look forward and things'll get better and better. You never really know what's out there or how it'll hit you. I feel good. You know what else? I lose sight of the good things I have to offer, but I saw the way people can light up just from talking to me. I miss noticing that. I have good friends, and I should be so lucky. Good for me,... I hardly ever say that.

-Jeremy

This Rules!

Ewwww,....

Oh yeah, totally found my Mickey Mouse ruler that my grandparents bought me when I was like 4. Somebody's got a new tool to use!

I'm obviously excited about it.

Shoot Those Holes!

Things finally seem to be heading in the right direction. I totally let myself stew in whatever depressing mess I was in until I couldn't take it anymore. I'm getting back into digging into who I am as a person, it's weird how you can become so lost. I've been able to reconnect with old friends I haven't seen in forever, and put bad blood away. I'm finally putting together new ideas and trying to be comfortable with the idea of being alone again. That one is always a tough one, but I think it's getting a bit easier. I worked hard this weekend and now I get to relax and spend a couple of days doing as I choose untethered. I'm no where near where I need to be, but progress is always comforting isn't it? Plus I'm in the process of growing a pretty sweet beard. We'll see how tonight pans out.

-Jeremy

MR. (it asked me for my title)

Here's a picture of Charles Muster,.. 'cause I used the word "muster"

Today is just not working for me,... not really sure what it is. Honestly, I've been down and out for a while. I can muster up the strength to fill my body full of caffeine and nicotine so that I can go to work, but once that's over I just wanna crawl into a ball. I'm not entirely sure what my deal is,... I've been trying to sketch some stuff out and try new things and all it leads me to believe is that I don't really know how to draw anymore. That, or the possibility that I never really could. I'm probably being a bit too harsh. I just feel embarrassed by myself lately. I'm not really doing anything that grants that, but I dunno. I hate the way I look, I hate the way I feel, I hate that I'm not doing anything worth anything. I've been hiding myself inside my house ignoring phone calls like some kind of weirdo. What if I never accomplish any of the things that I want, what if I never find the perfect girl. I'm even scared to talk to or hang out with my friends for fear that I'm being boring, stupid, or whatever. I think my spirit's broken and I have to take it until I'm fed up. I always seem to climb out of these things, but god damn it sucks while your down in it. I just hope I'm not a failure. I can see that other people see something in me, I just can't seem to grasp or understand it. What a downer of a post.... Sorry about that, nothing magical is happening at the moment. This fall depression shit is down right terrible,... Somethings gotta give I'm sure,... I just feel all alone right now. Eh, I'll get over it,... Ugh.

1st!

First posts are always silly. You proclaim that you're not exactly sure what to say and that you might just be trying this out. Got me! I get so caught up in the things that don't matter that I forget that I haven't worked on a project in awhile. I haven't had anything published in about two years. Hell, I haven't had a new piece of artwork to show off in about as long. It's not to say that I haven't had projects flailing about, but there's not enough to show anyone. In the last two years I've moved up at work so I won't have to be quite as broke and just recently got out of a relationship I'd been in for a year and a half. Things are coming though. I've been slowly working on a new book but it hasn't really come to life yet. That's kinda where this whole thing comes in. I'll be posting raw images and a few other goofy things right here! We're on break from writing our next movie until January, so this is the prime opportunity to sharpen my skills on my personal projects. One of the reasons that my art went to such a standstill had to do with old technology. I just didn't have the tools to produce what I've had in my head. But! I've worked hard over the last two years and purchased just about everything I need, minus the cintiq :( . Maybe I'll get lucky next year. I'll catch you in the next day or so. Here's a terrible terrible photo I just took. I either look better or worse in person!

kittens and octopus clicks,

-jeremy

You can try to guess what I'm doing here,... I'll start. It looks like I might be : going to the bathroom,
trying to make something happen, I just found out that I won something, I just found out I get to go to bed, I'm having peas for dinner. You get the idea.